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We spend close to 4 years at University, living in our own separate cliques and bubbles, without really taking the time to consider what everyone else is really thinking, or feeling. When things like suicide occur here we don’t feel the hurt as one collective student body, we brush it off as something that “just happens.” That’s not ok. It’s never ok to assume you do not make a difference, big or small, in this world by the ways you act and the ways you respond to other people’s hurt.
Think about it, someone who you knew felt lonely enough or unsatisfied to a degree that they didn’t want to be on Earth anymore. Even though we are all here. Suicide is a tricky subject because people will argue it’s a chemical imbalance, or something that can’t be prevented. But do you think when we walk around campus judging people based on what they chose to wear to school that day, the size of their bodies, the colour of their skin, their sexual preferences, whether they choose to identify as male or female, or neither, that we are positively contributing to the human race as a whole, or an individuals internal mental health? I feel like yelling at people sometimes and being like wake the fuck up! I feel like yelling at myself a lot of the time when I have these judgmental thoughts that just plain suck. It all stems from my own fears. It stems from those times that I had people make me feel like I was less of a human being because of the way I look, or just for being who I am. I do it to people to make myself perhaps subconsciously feel better, for all the times people did it to me. And it’s a cycle like that for all of us. There’s a bunch of other factors like how you grew up, what you were taught, etc. But either way it’s not making any one of us enjoy this experience on Earth anymore than we currently are.
I just want to break this down for you and for myself because I’m struggling with the purpose of why I am doing these things, why I’m putting myself out there…because it’s not easy: For me I say its because if I don’t do it (meaning, if I don’t try to voice my honest opinion about how we are living in this place of community, and at a University voted “the top student experience” but not working together as human race to eliminate boxing people in to these little tiny arenas that say you’re not “normal” if you do not meet a never-ending tight list of criteria) then how’s anything in my world going to change? What is really normal in this human experience is that fact that we all ended up here on Earth. We all came from a place that we are not really sure of. We are all going to die one day, and not one person can be 100% confident in where we are going. We all have a heart, and we all need to breathe in order to live. When it comes down to it, we are probably pretty willing to do whatever it takes to make it in this world. We have a human body that can be so uniquely our own, that may look different from the mass, but probably very similar to someone else’s out there. We all have a human mind that may trick us into believing we can’t relate to other people, when the truth is in the world, and especially at a place like University, we most likely share the same feelings on things.
In October I asked almost 50 students from 1st year to 4th year if they would sit down with me and answer a couple questions. I wanted to know how their university experience was or is for them. I wanted to know how they identified with the stereotype, what they considered to be the reality here. I made a 6 minute video from 30 hours of footage. I had never opened iMovie before and I had absolutely zero idea how it was going to turn out. In fact, I wasn’t sure WHY I was doing this. And therefore, I felt lost and without direction. Also overwhelmed by the fact these responses were so honest and raw, and I wouldn’t have the time or the attention of people to show you all of them. And then came the self-doubts. Not wanting to release it because it wasn’t some Hollywood film production. Putting that kind of pressure on myself to look good to others. It was ironic. And I had to get the fuck over it.
The love we let into our lives can and will affect the way we experience being a human. The friends I met here welcomed me with open arms. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have unnecessarily isolating experiences. I don’t want anyone else to feel like they are not worth “it.” The “it” being life on Earth. Each human has a right to the same resources and happiness as long as they are striving as an individual to make this world a more positive place. It isn’t about just trying to get by on our own. What you do each and every day is creating a ripple in someone else’s life. This video is a sample of the ways in which we all feel.
You can live as an individual on Earth, trying your best to “not care” about anything else, including making change. Or, you can live as a collective human being on Earth, trying your best to care about what is actually going on here. Trying your best to make a difference. Are you really satisfied with your own life? Do you think the state of the world today is as good as it’s going to get? It’s ultimately your choice, and I will respect you either way you choose to live your life. But for myself, I refuse to sit around and watch people I care about harm themselves or end their lives because they felt they could not relate to the billions of people here on Earth. We NEED to talk about these things. We NEED to decide what kind of person we want to be.
Thank you to everyone who contributed in creating this video. Thank you for putting yourself out there and for trying to make a difference…for trying to spread a sort of light on some dark subjects. And to the rest of you just reading this, I would ask that you just ask yourself, what kind of human are you striving to be in your personal life and in this world?